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Friday, 06 November 2009

  • He's an intuitive little guy...

    My theory on Mr. Otis:

    I honestly believe Otis is so hesitant and resistant of Josh's affection because he picks up on my emotions/energy when he's around. This sounds bad, but it has nothing to do with how I feel about my roommate personally. He's a nice guy, and he means well, but I have this thing with "my space". Whenever I've had a roommate (minus Alex), I'm always hesitant to interact too much because I don't want him to feel like he can intrude whenever he wants. My alone time is key to my sanity, and being too friendly seems too...risky.

    Also, Josh is very high energy and super, over-the-top happy. This is neither the way I, Alex, nor Otis works. We are all pretty laid-back and low key. I think this high energy makes Otis anxious, and when he sees that I'm not super excited upon Josh's arrival, it makes him wonder why. I mean, when Alex comes home, I a burst of light! Hmmm...something must be wrong with this guy.

    This is all just a theory I have conjured up recently.

    Good news: Otis does so wonderfully at the dog park with the dogs and the people. His timidness completely disappears around people of all shapes and sizes. It's so great!

    I thought I'd write a blog about something completely unrelated to my family. This helps a little.

    otiscar
    Otis after his stay at the boarding center.

    Wonder how Otis is going to enjoy his first trip to B-Town/Rock City...We shall see.
    Currently
    Born Round: The Secret History of a Full-time Eater
    By Frank Bruni
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Thursday, 05 November 2009

  • Homesick.

    I am going "home" this weekend. This may be the last time I see my grandpa. He is so ill, his body is covered in tumors from his bone cancer, and his legs constantly shake from the cancer in his blood destroying his nerves. I am so tired of losing the good ones. On my mom's side. It's getting so exhausting to say goodbye.

    I want to get very drunk and just forget.

    I am so behind in my independent study. I am going to talk to my professor tomorrow, and hope we can work something out so I can get this credit and still graduate. I need to be done, and I need to get A's. :sigh: I hope he remains as nice as he's been about everything.

    My dad is doing better, so I'm happy about this. I cannot lose him. If I do, it will truly be just my brother in my life. I still love my cousins and uncle, but sometimes their lifestyle choices are so irritating. I don't know what that has to do with anything, just feeling lonely.

    I can't concentrate. I can't get anything done. Sometimes I read, but the only time I can really let go is while taking Otis on walks, hikes, dog park trips. Having him around has made life a little easier right now. His fearfulness makes me want to be brave for him, and that's what I need right now.

    I can't remember the last time I felt so helpless, anxious, and tired constantly.

    I miss my mom. I miss my grandma. I hope they can help him get through this, and be somewhere waiting for him to make everything ok. I need that to be true.

    Currently
    Transatlanticism
    By Death Cab for Cutie
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Tuesday, 03 November 2009

  • Life Imitating

    I had a dream last night that I moved away from Alex, selfishly for the job of my dreams. I cannot remember what the job was, but I do know I was happy.

    In the dream, I came back for a visit. Alex was at the same party as me, and angry - so angry. We talked, and he was upset with me for leaving him, and upset that he couldn't follow me due to his job keeping him in the area. I felt as though I missed him, but even more than that, I kinda want to "jump his bones", as the dignified ladies say ;o) He wouldn't let me get more than a kiss, and apparently, I had been gone for two years, and "this happened last time, and I can't deal with it again" -Alex "Dream" Boomgarden.

    I have to say it really made me think. I have so many ideas, and I truly feel like moving away would be a great thing to help me grow up a little more. When I talk to him about it, he's always so wishy-washy about it. Sometimes he's up for anything, but most of the time, he stick to Chicago and the surrounding areas. I could be really happy staying in the city, but I wonder what other locations would do for me...

    One thing I do know is that if the right job opportunity came up, I'd move just about anywhere. It's important for me to be productive and creative, and if I can't find anything here, I'd be up for a change of scenery. There is one place in particular I have my eye on....a little vintage/online shop that makes my heart bubble with glee! I keep waiting for a job opening to go up on their website :o)

    I graduate in December. After that, Alex has another semester left. I'm not sure where I want to be, but I have a little time to figure it out. We shall see...


    P.S. Norah Jones is a goddess.

    Currently
    The Fall
    By Norah Jones
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Friday, 30 October 2009

  • And they call it L-O-V-E.

    That lovely boy in my profile pic was, is, and always will be my first true love.

    No, not "IN LOVE" love, but the first dog that completely stole my heart. Sure, we had several before him. In fact, I got a puppy for my 2nd birthday, and his name was Teddy. However, he was kept outside 99% of the time. The only way he was allowed in the house was during bad storms and blizzards. This may be the reason I have always loved "bad" weather...

    After Teddy died (and yes, I adored him), we got Harley shortly after. My heart was broken, but my mom wanted us to wait. However, my grandpa never listened to my mom (fortunately), and called her halfway to our house, saying he found a puppy on his truck route. Well, he didn't actually find him, but he had a friend who had a dog who just had a litter of pups. Harley was one of those pups.

    Right before he showed up, my mom made me promise we wouldn't make any decisions without truly talking about this and making sure everyone wanted the dog equally. I agreed. My fingers may have been crossed.

    When Harley showed up, he was incredibly frightened. My grandpa had brought him in his semi truck, and this little puppy was crawling all over the place, including under my grandpa's feet. He may have been kicked...poor guy.
    I took one look at him, and I knew he wasn't going anywhere. This was my dog, and we were keeping him. My mom also fell in love. My brother was indifferent, and was kind of looking for a BIG dog this time around. He lost.

    Harley was this comical, sandy-colored bundle of love. Part cocker spaniel and part golden retriever, he was the most wonderful mixture of party animal and total snuggler. He gnawed on my hair, and chewed on anything resembling wood, but he was sooooo smart. We housetrained him in 3 days, and taught him all the basics in less than a few months.

    While we were making sure he didn't chew up the house, he was crated at night. I used to pick up his enormous metal crate, and set it on my bed next to me, with two fingers in his crate so he knew he wasn't alone. After that, he slept with me almost every night (except for the occasional snuggle with my mom). When he got older and snored so loudly, it sounded like crocodiles were in the house, I didn't kick him out of the room. Instead, I put my headphones on and dozed off despite his nasal issues. He was my best friend, and I refused to allow his age to make him less than that.

    He loved my mom and me equally. We were his favorites, and no matter who trimmed his nails, or made him take a pill, he always had the other to run to. He always had one to favor while the other got the cold shoulder for a few hours.

    After my mom died, he clung to me even more than before. I was unofficially his new mom, and while we were both heartbroken, I was honored to take the position. I was the groomer as well as the comforter afterwards.

    When I moved out to attend NIU, Harley deteriorated rapidly. His eyes became lazy, and he hardly moved. I noticed, and I feared this was the end. However, I moved back home and became a commuter, and all was well in the world. His eyes were still hazy from cataracts, but he got the hop in his step back, and he even rough housed from time to time.

    By the time I moved out permanently, he was better, more accustomed to my dad's way of loving him, and even became fond of the new woman in my dad's life. I felt better leaving him, and that was that.

    Harley is 15 yrs. old. He is old, slow, and pretty much blind. However, he loves to love, and he's so good at it. I think about him everyday, and I owe all of my dog love to this little guy :o) He was there through several heartbreaks, my grandma's passing, my mom's passing, when my dad started dating, and he is still there, waiting for me whenever I come home. He has had a beautiful life, and a little part of my heart will disappear with his passing. He is irreplaceable.

    HarleyMe

    Harley

    l_108530

    m_4a80c144f8ea2e822b5056f860e32c68

    That's my "Harley" blog. He is the reason I have such a passion for dogs, as I know how emotional, intelligent, and wonderful they are. I have always been bonded to animals, but he brought it out a little more.

    Currently
    She's the Dutchess, He's the Duke
    By The Dutchess and The Duke
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Wednesday, 28 October 2009

  • I'm a total cliche...

    When I first "became a woman", I honestly didn't have any of the stereotypical pre, during, or post syndromes I heard about. Just the cramps.

    However, in the last three or four years, I have developed a pattern leading up to my cycle. I'm still in the clear during (minus the cramps) and after, but before it happens, that's another story.

    Step One: Hunger. Wow. I could eat and eat, especially anything in the dessert category. Late night cravings are strong, and eating a donut or muffin first thing in the morning sounds like perfection! What I crave most:

    images
    french_fries
    006-Cheese-Pizza-Slice-Oct-
    chocolate

    Step Two: Total sadness and anger. I find myself getting either incredibly sad or incredibly infuriated with everyone and everything. Sometimes, Alex and I will get in a little tiff, and after I'm done ripping his head off, I call him into the room and apologize profusely. He knows by now what is going on, and I also ALWAYS give him a head's up. We get through it, and that's that :o) I also happen to think about my mom 100X more than usual, if that's possible.

    Step Three: Nostalgia. To put it simply, I rented this movie from the library:

    homeward.bound

    Step Four: I want to nest, bake, and clean like no other. I love these things already, but I find myself baking intricate desserts (This week, I baked a berry tart with orange zest and homemade crust!), and cleaning under all the furniture.

    And the Final Step: Creativity. Yes, that's right. When the storm has passed, all I want to do is write, read, take photos, train Otis, and find amazing vintage clothing for next to nothing. On top of a few other hobbies. It's a nice ending to a crazy ass cycle.

    Yes, I am a woman, and I act like one to the umpteenth degree sometimes. I kinda love it.

    P.S. so happy "umpteenth" is a real word. Sooooo happy!
    P.P.S. Grizzly Bear is the best band in the world. :sigh:
    Currently
    Veckatimest
    By Grizzly Bear
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Jasper_Speaks

  • Visit Jasper_Speaks's Xanga Site
    • Name: Vanessa
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 5/19/2005

About Me

  • Female. Student of humanities. Fascinated by gender studies and sociology especially. Writer. Hopelessly in love. Animal rights activist. Taking some sort of shape.

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